Liz and Dane's Pimps n Hoes themed Bucks/Hens party 15/3/2008
Yeah i know, crappy play on words, but thats all i can think of at this moment.
Big congratz to Liz n Dane on their up coming wedding and a well done to Mel for organizing the party! It was a really fun night, the best part being i didnt spend $100 on booze n taxi's. Steve "Stevos" Lakeman was at his infamous best, that guy is a stellar citizen. Charming, kind and elegant all at the same time. Stevey wasnt the only one misbehaving on Saturday night, everyone was on their worst behavior, including yours truly. An excess of cheap sex toys and banana's was never going to fail to produce a disappointing night.
The night started off with Jacqui and James picking me up, graciously bringing along some bling to add to my ill prepared pimp costume, cheers guys! We stopped off at Reee's on the way to pick up his famous "Wolfmother Vest" (thx for that Reecey ill have it back soon) which i was turning into a pimp vest for the night. As i slipped it on Reece commented, "You kinda look like a pirate with that vest and a white shirt on Tom." As if! I looked so pimping it wasnt even funny! After a short chat with Reece and Sarah we were off again. We arrived fashionably late, much to James' disgust, im sorry James but no one is expected to rock up on time!
I made sure i was the last to walk in, being a little hesitant about my outfit and the fact that everyone would probably be looking at Jacquis cleavage which would let me slip in unoticed. First Job of the night was to firgure out my pimp name, apparently its your first pets name and the street you were born in. I think i did pretty well with Tiger Cameron. The party was already well and truly swinging by this stage, another advantage of arriving late, as i made my way around t say hello to all the work crew i came to Wayne and Megan. The first word Wayne said to me was "Hey Tom you look like a pirate with that vest on!" Megan agreed and they both continued to taunt me! Damn you Reece! Why didnt you tell me i looked like a pirate in your stupid vest! Seriously though! look at that thing, look at the bitches im pullin with it! That thing is pimpin!
Anyway, after a good grilling from Wayne and Megan i moved on to the fridge and the many other lovely people attneding the party. I was shocked at how many guys had decided to come as hoes. The thought had crossed my mind but i knew i didnt have the legs to pull it off, obviously this thought did not occur to about 5 other guys. Before too long the inevtiable games involving sex toys started. It started off with pass the parsel. I think Jacqui got the tit whistes and Lakers got the dick whistle. The full body condom went to chrissy. There was probably more crappy presents in there but i was well on the way to the land of intoxication by then so my memory gets hazy from there in! On the other hand it was a little hard to forget Hayley winning the competition to put a condom on a banana the quickest using just her mouth! In my opinion she did it was too quick!
The beer flowed and so did the fun. Steve Lakeman's antics took the cake for the mot entertaining, as they usually do. This quiet natured nice guy and team memeber of the year 2 years running whipped out his alter ego with a little help from a few ice cold vics! Ill let the pictures do most of the talking here, although i do have to send out an apology to the big fella for almost ripping his jocks off! Sorry! i thought i was grabbing your stockings, which were fair game.
I just gotta stress that that third picture is not all Lakers, just another prize from pass the parsel!
Anyways, gotta go, before i do though ill throw out an apology to Carlie for ruining most of your photos and hyjacking your camera!
Alrighty then. Time for another list. This one is my top 5 Youtube vids. There are many others out there, i hope they dont get offended they didnt make it, maybe next year guys. I think most of these are kinda old now but these are the ones that still make me laugh every time i see em. These are in no particular order, to choose a number 1 out of these ones would probably kill me. OK here goes.....
- Techno Viking
What a bloody ripper of a video. Probably staged, because i dont think anyone that awesome exists anywhere but still a pearler! I think my sister first showed me this one. I know of three people, including myself who are currently trying to perfect each and every dance move just so that maybe one day we can bust those bad boys out on a dance floor and get people to give us notes and bottles of water.
- Dave Chappelle's Lil John
Would you expect anything less from Dave Chappelle? Ofcourse not! Another quality sketch from Dave, this one is a bit of an underdog to the Rick James sketch but its a real side splitter. I think Reece showed me this one initially. For the first month after seeing this i didnt say WHAT, OK or YEEEAH normally. Infact i still catch myself shouting those words every so often.
- Charlie Goes to Candy Mountain
Slightly disturbing, kinda sick, a little over the top, a touch rough....... Pure genious! I love this video! Who ever said me playing warcraft was a waste of time. If nothing at all i got this pearler out of it. One of my WoW friends linked me this one over msn. I was a bit iffy on it at first but it grew on me! Everytime you watch it, it gets better! The more quotes you can remember the more you'll enjoy it! "We're on a birdge Charlie!" Who could make that funny, a plastic pony, thats who!
- Ask a Ninja Thr33
It kills me to choose this episdoe over the "How to kill a ninja" episode. But hey! Someones gotta make the tough decisions! This baby is 5 minutes of pure laughter and quotable quotes! Hey i just remembered where i first saw this! Warcraft comes thorugh with the goods again! Who ever said hanging out with nerds was a waste of time! I think ive pretty much managed to master the ask a ninja's voice, which comes in handy ALOT. If the conversation ever turns towards Queens of the Stoneage or Magans (monkey dragons) you know whos chiming in with the quote! I think between me and my friends we've watch hours of aska ninja, imo this one rates highly!
- Star Wars Kid
Ok, i think i cried the first time i saw this! this isnt the original, you should probably watch it too, its more of a cringe funny than haha funny. This one is definantly haha funny! Thanks again Reece for showing me this puppy. The funniest part is that after looking at the orginal the lasers actually makes him look slightly jedi like! (Note to self: add lasers.) The person who editted it also chose the best part of the video where he slips on the cloth in the corner! The funniest part is definantly where he walks upt he the camera with the glare, like "im a jedi, dont mess with me!"
Well thats 5 i think, hopefully i can count! Once again sorry to those who missed out! Tell me if i missed out any.
Peace out kids
Ok this list is my real reason for joining up here! I read Sarahs list of hates, after a quick conversation we both decided i should make my own list of stuff i really hate about customers. I know this is a bit of a pesimistic way to start ye old blog but i gotta write bout this stuff!
I work in a timber yard at a well known hardware store. These are the things that make me want to hit complete strangers in the face daily! I'll try and list them from most annoying to least annoying, 1. being the most annoying!
1. Customer: "Hey mate, i need a piece of timber, but make sure its really straight."
This is the most annoying comment made to me at work. The reason is because it happens every single shift, without fail! Of course im gonna give them the straightest piece of timber! Im not an asshole! And if you care that much about your timber being straight go pick it yourself!
2. When a customer drives into the yard and asks for 10 bags of concrete. Thats not such a bad thing. But when they ask you to help them load it in then walk away to go and get something else makes my blood boil! Not only is that rude its just plain lazyness on their part. I have no problems helping them load 100 bags, but when they want you to do all the work thats just wrong! Last Saturday i had a guy come in and ask for 40 bags. He walked away and expected us to load them. At 20kg a bag thats 800kg being moved by one person, No Thanks!
3. When customers drive into the yard get one piece of timber then dissapear into the store for 30 minutes to go get other stuff, completely blocking the yard so other people cant get through. Once again people being selfish.
4. People trying to haggle with me! They come in and buy $80 worth of timber. After ive written up their ticket they say, "So mate, can you do that an better for me?" This is a prime case of people being tight asses! $80 is not alot of timber. especially when you compare it with our tradies that spend thousands of dollars at a time in the store. You would be surprised how much someone will bitch and moan over the price of timber.
5. This one needs a little explanation. We offer customers a cutting service at our store. This is to help fit a sheet of plywood / MDF / chipboard in there car or so that they have to do less cutting at home. The sheets we cut the most are 2400 x 1200 mm. It kills me how many people want us to cut up one of these sheets to get the sizes they want but then dont want to pay for the off-cut left over! Tight asses!! What the hell are we supposed to do with this off-cut. No-one will ever buy it! I try to warn people about this but the few times i forget it happens. Ive finished cutting the sheet up and i give them the off-cut. "Oh, i dont want that bit". *sigh*
6. We fill gas bottles at work. These things take around 5 - 10 minutes to fill. Thats probably the main reason why we all hate filling them. The thing i hate the most is customers coming 5 minutes before closing time to get their bottle filled. You've had all day to come in and get it filled and you decide to come with 5 minutes to go! Yeah they only take 5 minutes to fill but that doesnt include hooking the gas back up because you've already taken the hoses in by now, plus unhooking them when your done. Not to mention all the closing stuff you should have been doing while you were filling the bottle eg. closing the gates, clocking off, putting your work phone back, making sure there isnt anyone left in your area.
7. People telling me how to do my job. This includes telling me how to use the docking saw, the panel saw, how to fill gas bottles, how to stack items on a shelf, how to load timber on a trailer, how to drive a forklift and what stock we should have on the shelfs. I obviously have no idea how to do any of this even though ive been doing it for ~3 years!
Ok thats all i can think of for now. Im suprised how angry that was, i think i might have a new theme for my blog!
Well hello there everybody! Hopefully this doesnt suck as much as i think it will. I figured i should probably do something with all the extra time on my hands since i have given up some comitments lately. Thanks to Sarah and Reece for gettitng me onto this thang! Hopefuly ill start to get the hang of this soon and can pump out some good entertainment full blogness before too long. Hopefully its as good as the weekend report from Reecey!
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